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Thursday, October 15, 2015

Dear Cheating Ex-

My heart aches for you. It aches for your loneliness and your insecurities. No person should feel so insecure in who they are. No one should feel less than. I'm sorry that you could not take all the love, dedication, appreciation, and friendship of our 8.5 years and realize how truly wonderful you are and how much potential you have. But I realize, no one can make you believe or trust that except yourself.

You see, I had to realize it for myself also. I had to discover my worth. I had to reach the lowest point and crawl up out of the pit of despair because I knew my life was worth it. It's hard. Realizing, trusting, and embracing your worth is one of the hardest experiences someone will go through. But I guarantee you'll find happiness and wholeness in life once you do. Keep trying.

I want to say thank you. These thank you's aren't out of sarcasm or to hurt you. They are truly appreciation for what you've taught me. I've learned to make the best out of every situation and to search and pray for a lesson or answer in every trial. You taught me that. Your actions surely broke a home, my heart, and what could have been a secure future...but more than that they created a healthier me. I had to do the hard work. I had to dig deep & overcome emotions, heartache, and complete loss.

Thank you for reminding me what and who really matters. Your actions had a domino reaction to everything in my life and at the end of ever tumble...it lead me to God. I strayed from my relationship with God; surely you know that. Your relationship became non existent also. We were in a sinful relationship; extremely unhealthy and God was not the center. We lost ourselves in who we were in Christ and because of that we lost ourselves as people and our relationship just became this empty shell of the two of us but nothing significant to contribute to one another or God's Kingdom. Because of what happened, I found myself crawling back on my knees to Christ. Trusting His love and plans for my life. This is probably the most precious lesson.

Thank you for hiding secrets, lying, and continuing to hurt me over and over. Because of this, you've made me more aware. Aware of my emotions, purpose, and what I truly deserve. It was up to me to stop giving you chance after chance. I admit, I should have stopped things a long time ago--I probably would have saved a lot of heartache...possibly on both sides. But, I know that things happened the way they were supposed to. Because of your unfaithfulness and disregard to my feelings or our friendship, I discovered how often I let people take advantage of me and I am now proactive.

I'm in this new season of life and it's such a beautiful time where I'm experiencing new things, meeting new people, growing as a child of God and a mother. It truly is one of my favorite seasons so far. It's reminds me of the moments following a storm when the wind gently breezes through the trees, the rain slows it's pace, and the grass smells as if it has become fresher. It's within that moment where you smile and wait for the rainbow to appear. 

This season wouldn't have happened without you. I'll be honest, I never wanted to give you credit for what I've been fighting for and the strength I've had to discover but if it wasn't for what you did--I might have never dug myself out. I would have sat in that loveless, dead relationship for years. Our daughter would have seen it and come to known it as normal. You hurt me, you broke me, and took away what felt like a lifetime of memories and friendship but your actions had me fight for my future. Thank you. 

I pray you find your way. Your worth. Your happy ending. Your purpose God has outlined for you. In the meantime, be aware of your actions. Treat others kindly. Love purely. Trust God's hand in your life. Our daughter and I pray for you every night. We pray that Papa finds what he has been looking for. 

In my prayers,


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