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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Over You

I've had someone say, "You aren't over him." 
I've been asked if I was over the heartache. 
I've been wondering if there would be a moment of solidarity that confirmed what I've thought the past several months I'm over you.

Last night, I found myself texting you and giving advice. You came to me broken and alone. I told myself I wasn't going to be your friend. I told myself that the past 8 months. You don't deserve my friendship. I still agree with that, but you do deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. You deserve to see Christ's love; even if it's living through me and being spoken from my words. 

Then, tonight, you sat in my living room with our daughter in your lap. Your eyes were asking for hope, searching for answers. We talked about things with such ease. I don't remember us talking like that when we were a couple. I made comments about my life (now) that you had no idea about. I could see the shock on your face; you realizing I'm not the same person you once knew. You saw me glowing, radiant, free, and happy. Who was this person in front of you? How could you be like her? I get it. 

I told you tonight, "Where you are right now, that's where I was. I've been there, I've felt the emotions. So, when I'm telling you something, it's not because it's the book answer, it's the real raw truth." You see, I know God is using me in this life and He has plans for me to help others. Did I ever think He would have me start with you? Never in a thousand years, but His plan is much bigger than I can fathom. He is teaching me so much when it comes to how I'm able to talk with you. 

We talked about other partners, other experiences, and although I was once broken when it came to realizing you weren't only going to be just mine...I felt nothing tonight. No sadness, no loneliness, no wondering thoughts about our past. Nothing. 

You may think you grew with me and we grew together as a couple, but you're wrong. You might have grown, yes. But as a couple, we didn't grow. It was one sided. I encouraged growth on your end; I even ran to catch up with you when it came to our relationship, but I never grew. My feet were buried in the mud, but I made sure you were growing. I made sure your feet were able to move at all times. I remained in the same spot; unhappy and lost. 

Between that realization and the emotionless connection I had with you tonight, it made me realize that the happiness and completeness I have in my life right now confirms that I am over you. We will always stare at our daughter in disbelief that we created her. We may even exchange looks as she grows about memories that she brings to the surface; a laugh or giggle. A phrase. A movie. A kiss. Anything. We may even hug and remember the way we both felt safe in one another's embrace. We may have to lean on one another emotionally for support during a trailing time with our daughter. In all of this, I'll respect you. But I'll be over you. I've been over you. I never thought it would be possible. But, I've put in the work, and discovered myself and the potential I have as a person in this world. I'll never go backward. 

I hope you become a worthy man. I hope you find a wife someday that is worthy of you and our daughter. I pray for these things for you. Keep working on your life, keep filtering the bad out, and strive to better yourself. Turn your eyes to Jesus, I guarantee you'll see the reflection of the man you were created to be. 

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