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Thursday, June 25, 2015

Dating As a Mom

I'm a mom. I have a daughter. I work full time. I'm a parent.

But, that's not all that there is to me. I have many layers.

I feel as if I'll be writing about this topic for a long time, even after I meet the man I'll call my husband. But, right now, I want to touch base on the overall idea of dating as a mom. I'm a new mom and that will be a topic I'll revisit a little later. Because I went from this idea of "I'm a new mom, I don't have time, I can't date" to "I'm a mom and I am open to dating".

Here are some simple points about me and dating:

1. I do not go out looking for someone to date.
2. My daughter comes first
3. My daughter will not be around the man I'm dating until it's a serious & committed relationship.
4. I want to grow in faith with my spouse.
5. I'm not trying to replace her father.

You see, someday, Laurel may call two men "dad". Her biological father and her step father. Or she may not. I don't really know. What I do know is when I find a man who becomes a part of mine and Laurel's life, he will have to love us both. We are a package deal.

I have friends who are single mothers, I think out of all of us, I have the youngest child. I'm the newbie. But, I love that my friends call me or text me freaking out about dating. It makes me smile; it lets me know I'm not alone and that they trust me enough to share their fears and worries. I also love being a voice of reason because sometimes I feel like I'm the worry wart far too often.

A couple of weeks ago a friend was struggling with dating after a split with her daughters father. I remember the advice I gave her was specifically for her, but after say it, it related to me. Our stories are very similar when it comes to the involvement of our daughters fathers.

"You're a mother and a great one at that. You work full time and raise her on your own, so if you were to date someone that's okay. That's healthy. Forming friendships are healthy. You can't hide away, you would suffer as a person and then your parenting may suffer. You're made to make connections. You don't have to bring her (her daughter) around the man until you're sure it's a serious and committed relationship. A couple hours a week, on a date to dinner isn't going to make you less of a mother."

Now, for those of you who don't know my full story, I was in the same relationship for nearly 9 years. I didn't date growing up. So, I feel like I don't know how or what to do on dates, that's okay! No one does. That's where I remind myself that I'm not out looking to date, people walk into your life and make an impact and if you explore those feelings and relationships, great. On the other hand, I may go through a period of time where I am content being single.

I enjoy being single. For 9 years, I focused on someone else. I lost who I was. I'm a mom now and take care of Laurel but I also don't rely on another person's schedule or have to worry about making their life easier. I worry about mine and Laurel's life. I enjoy the freedom. I enjoy learning about what I do and don't like. I was focused on growing as a couple for 9 years, I lost me. Freedom & self love is amazing.


The most important part to me is finding a man who has a relationship with Christ. I pray for my future husband. I pray for myself and I ask that our hearts and lives comes together in God's timing and that we listen to God when that time comes. I ask that God prepares my heart for a man he's created entirely for me. So in the meantime, I work on the areas in my life that I was left with from my previous relationship that has made me sad, hard, or resistant. God does not want me to be bitter or harsh. So I work on that. Dating does not mean that I can't work on all of that, it means I'm getting to know people. I love that I'm making more friends while dating.

I use this motto "Don't date someone you can't see yourself marrying." That is so relevant and true. I think there are so many different interpretations of dating that it's hard to understand at what point you become dating and what point you're still getting to know someone. Dating is getting to know someone. It's up to you as a person to determine how many layers and levels that includes when it comes to the physical side of things. That's between you and God.

Sex will be another topic I write about later.

Be easy on yourself mommas, dating doesn't make you less than.


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