This summer, I made some choices I'm not proud of and acted in ways that I never would have before; or at least that's what I thought. I went through this "I'm single, stressed, and want to have fun" phase. I wasn't living a life that I was proud of but my stress was lessened and I was around a lot of awesome people and I felt my age; I didn't feel my responsibilities crashing down around me every second. I have worked through those feelings with the Lord and have been extremely raw in my pleas to be formed and renewed in His eyes. Because I wasn't baptized in September, I found myself thinking about it a lot and praying about it. So, another opportunity came up and I knew that I had a month before I was going to make a huge deceleration of faith.
Being baptized is a public display of your faith and a proclamation of how you plan to live your life. I was so excited to make a public announcement of who I plan to live for and the life I've chosen after some of the hardest years of my life. I know Jesus has forgiven me of my sins, He has done that since I first believed. But, I never really consciously tried to lessen those sins by living a pure or Godly life. Yes, I'm a nice person, I give and serve others, practice respect, ect. But, I've never really thought to myself before make decisions or real life choices "Is this going to benefit God? Is this glorifying His name?" So, making a deceleration and being baptized, I was making a promise not only to God but myself that I was going to live and walk a life that glorifies Him & I was going to raise my daughter to love and honor Him as well.
I had family & friends from Washington, Idaho, Seeley Lake, and Missoula there to support and pour out their love for the choice I was making for Laurel and I. It was a beautiful and very emotional morning. Since I discovered basking in the Holy Spirit years ago at CFO, I have felt a strong calling in prayer. So, I spent most of my morning and time at church listening to the Word in prayer and communication with God. I had my dear friend and leader of the single mom's group at church, Jeannine present (along with the other single moms). Gary & Heatherann, Laurel's grandparents were present by my side. The moments before and listening to Pastor Jason speak into my life about healing and using my hurt and my struggles to help those who are hurting and going through what I went through was confirmation of everything I experienced in prayer that morning. It was amazing to hear that confirmation, just seconds before I was washed of my old life.